


Pretty Deadly Half Naked People (Goddammit)

by GivemeanID



Category: Naruto
Genre: Crack, Exhibitionism, Gen, dubious battle strategy, the senju are very much not, the uchiha are prude
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-28
Updated: 2019-08-28
Packaged: 2020-09-28 17:41:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20429876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GivemeanID/pseuds/GivemeanID
Summary: The first time it happened was an accident.The second too. But Tobirama noticed.The third time was very much not an accident. At all. Izuna would like to be put out of his misery, please. He can't take it anymore, there is bare skin everywhere.Everywhere.





	Pretty Deadly Half Naked People (Goddammit)

**Author's Note:**

> This is for Ewina :)

The first time it happened, it was an accident, and Tobirama didn't really pay attention to it. He was coming back from an exhausting mission and was trying to wash the grim and the dried blood covering him when Izuna attacked. Swearing, he caught his sword, ready to counter to Uchiha when Izuna froze, eyes fixated on Tobirama's chest, then spluttered something inaudible, turned on his heel and ran, screeching like fricking banshee.

Tobirama stood there, gaping, dumbfounded. What the fuck just happened ? Extending his sensing range to make sure there wasn't anyone else ( he could still feel Izuna running to the Uchiha compound like the other was being followed by the Shinigami himself) he lowered his eyes to his chest. There was nothing strange with it. He was out of his armor, bare, and a little wet, because he took a dive into the river to wash himself.

But apart from that...

Shrugging, he gathered his things and continued his way to the compound. Uchiha were weird anyway.

*******************

The second time it happened, it was also an accident. During a battle with the Uchiha, afew weeks after the strange meeting on the riverbank, a vicious hit from Izuna had rippen open one of Tobiram's pants' leg, showing off a pale thight.

And this time, Tobirama paid attention to it. Because he distinctly saw Izuna's eyes cross, fixated on the large span of white skin the tear in the fabric bared to the world. Izuna stuttered, tripped on his own feet, almost impaled himself on his own sword and overall, just made a fool of himself. Tobirama squinted, not knowing how to react. Killing Izuna while he was so ridiculous was a little like overkill. Furthermore, the strange reaction had awaken the Senju's interest.

Later, after the battle, Tobirama sat on his bed, contemplating his rippen pants' leg. He was thinking. Izuna had lost all his faculties when he had set his eyes on his bare skin.

Tobirama smiled.

There was something he wanted to try.

*****************

The third time it happened, it was totally on purpose. Tobirama had hunted down Izuna and his patrol till he was sure they would meet. Then he had rippen open his own pants' legs, as well as one of his shirt's arms. Hey, he wanted to be thorough...

As he lunged in front of the Uchiha, he had the deep satisfaction to see Izuna run face first into a tree, eyes wide. The three other memebers of the patrol didn't fare any better. One of them stopped dead in his tracks, gaping like dead fish. Another blushed from his hairline to his neckline, and started bleeding from his nose. The third just tripped on his feet and ended up face first into the ground.

Grinning, Tobirama bolted and ran.

Well, that confirmed his hypothesis. Oh, he was gonna have so much fun.

******************

Toka was polishing her naginata when she saw her baby cousin litterally sauntering to her, looking really pleased with himself. He flopped next to her, grinning.

\- Tell me, cousin, do you want to have fun at the Uchiha's expanse?

Toka's head whipped toward Tobirama, eyes shiny, lips curling.

\- Tell me more about that cousin...  
\- Well... I think I've discovered something... Here is what you will have to do....

*****************

Two days later, Toka came back from a patrol howling like a hyena, and threw herself at Tobirama.

\- Oh gods, it was hilarious ! I did as you told me, showed off a little skin, and one of them ran into a fucking tree !  
\- Yes ! Himiko screeched, we saw it, it was so funny !

The other members of the patrol were laughing their heads off. Tobirama grinned like a shark.

Time to put the rest of his plan into motion.

*****************

Hashirama was looking suspiciously at his brother. Tobirama was bent in half, elbows on the desk, chin in his hands, looking intently at Hashirama. He had that look on his face, the look that meant that a lot of people wer gonna suffer.

But not the painful kind of suffering, no, rather the embarrassing kind of suffering.

\- Anija, he said, do you still want peace with the Uchiha ?  
\- Yes ?  
\- Good. I have an idea. If everything works fine, they will beg to have peace with us. And it will be really fun.

Hashirama smiled and bent forward.

\- I am listening, he said.

*****************

At the Uchiha compound, Madara perked up and shivered.

\- The Senju are up to something. I can feel it.

Izuna snorted.

*****************

Two weeks later, Madara sensed the Senju crossing the Uchiha border. Wasting no time, he gathered his warriors. They were gonna intercept these fucking Senju in the clearing a few miles away from the compound. And they did.

However, it did not go as planned. Not at all.

Mainly because the moment the Uchiha set a foot in the clearing, Madara was welcomed by a cackling Tobirama Senju trying to roundhouse kick him in the face. And Madara almost swallowed his own tongue. Because the fucking White Demon was naked.

Okay, not completely naked. But by Uchiha standards, he was naked. Wearing only his underwears, a mesh shirt and a tiny yukata almost see through that barely covered his - admittedly really good - ass.

But that meant that the rest of him was bared to the world, on display for all Uchiha to see and they didn't knw how to react, because the Senju was tall and built like a fucking tree and battlefit and oh gods, now that he saw them Madara was sure he would not mind having these thights around his neck. Or any other body part, really.

The White Demon was grinning and cackling manically and the other Senju appeared ad none of them were wearing pants and Madara was hysterical. Because there was no way him or his clan's men would be able to fight the Senju efficiently. Or at all.

And so the battle began.

Or rather, the mockery of a battle began and Madara would deny till his dying breath that any of this ever happened.

Because it was not a battle, it was the Uchiha running in circles followed by the cackling Senju. Madara saw his clan's mates falling one after the other. And the Senju were not killing them, no, they were just sitting on the flustered Uchiha who did not even know where to look because they were litterally surrounded by bare skin.

Izuna was face down on the ground, Tobirama sitting on his shoulders, grinning like a cat. His brother was screaming to his rival to stop being so indecent and cover himself. Tobirama threw his head backward, laughed an dlazily streched one of his muscled legs to put it just in front of Izuna's face who became redder than a tomato ans started wheezing. That was approximately at this moment Hashirama caught him, just clamped his muscled arms on Madara to crush him in an unescapable hug from behind. And of course, since the Senju were shameless and Hashirama was the most shameless of them all, his old friend was wearing just his underwears and nothing else. Madara screeched and Hashirama erupted in booming laughter.

\- Do we have them all ?! Tobirama asked loudly.  
\- Yes ! roared all the Senju.  
\- Perfect ! Tobirama cried , squirming to make himself comfortable on Izuna's back, and Madara was pretty sure his brother was one hair short from spontaneously combusting.

Tobirama cleared his throat and Madara tried to break free of Hashirama's hold, without success.

\- Very well, my dear Uchiha ! We want peace and you want us to cover up ! I am sure we can find an agreement !  
\- Anything you want ! Izuna screeched.  
\- Fine. Then swear on the Sharingan that you will agree to a ceasefire and peace talks.  
-...

With a big smile, Tobirama started opening his yukata.

\- Okay ! Okay ! I swear on the Sharingan I agree to a ceasefire and peace talks !

The other Uchiha swore one after the other, and in the end, Madara was the only one left, squirming in Hashirama's hold, obstinately keeping his mouth shut. Tobirama sighed and stood up, marching to Madara. Izuna squeacked.

\- Madara, he said crossing his arms, you're the only one left. Please just do the thing so everybody can go home.  
\- I will not fall for that, Senju snake, Madara snarled.

Tobirama rolled his eyes and discarded his yukata. Madara inhaled sharply and reddened even more. But he said nothing. However, Izuna choked on his own spit and Madara couldn't even be angry at him for that, because from where he was laying, his brother had the best view possible on the Senju's ass. And what a wonderful view it must be.

But Madara would not crack.

He would not.

No.

\- You leave us no choice, Uchiha, Tobirama said with the face of a patented sadist, Anija, loose the fundoshi.

Madara's eyes widened. No, they wouldn't dare. Even Hashirama wasn't that shameless.

Except he was.

When he felt one of Hashirama's hands leave him to discard the last piece of fabric covering him, Madara panicked.

\- NOOOOOOOO!!!!! Okay ! Okay ! I swear ! I swear it on the Sharingan ! KEEP YOUR DAMN UNDERWEAR SENJU !!!

Tobirama grinned and nodded to Hashirama, who let Madara go. The Uchiha Clan Head fell on his knees, wheezing.

\- I am gonna get back at you for that, Senju, he groaned.  
\- You are welcome to try, Uchiha.

**Author's Note:**

> The peace talks basically turn into a game of strip poker. Everytime a Uchiha Elder says something stupid, Tobirama discards an article of clothing. He is down to his underwears before they finally crack ^^


End file.
